i think i’ll go home and mull this over
before i cram it down my throat
December 10, 2009
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Dashboard - Modest Mouse
December 10, 2009
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(via sandrasunshine)
December 8, 2009
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hi studying for midterms QQ ...
the uneasiness sinks in at night, but is often left behind in my bed when I wake up in the morning.
which is precisely why I am chosing to sleep now.
good night, and I’m sorry for my rants and raves for the past few days. I don’t know what’s happened.
I can't do this anymore.
I don’t even have words.
I cry so often now, and I cannot explain it very well,
except maybe you make me feel more alone than I ever, and your silence hurts more than all the rest, because it does not have to be silence.
and I don’t know what to do with myself, because I can feel you growing tired of me, and I’m irritated at myself. like, i am pissed off at my actions and own self, and okay.
while doing our review packets in french today, ryan and I listened to malajube to help us get into the mood.
and by the mood, I mean the conjugating irregular verbs one, nasty.
oh, and we sound like walruses when we try to sing in french, because we CAN’T.
I have this big red, rectangular mark on my forehead
in physics today, me, brad, bailey and grant took big red gum wrappers, licked them, and stuck them to our foreheads to see who could stand the intense, burning sensation the longest
(brad won, but we’re all eeeediots)
- myself: do you love me?
- yourself: what?
- myself: do you love me?
- yourself: I don't understand.
- myself: okay.
and now i’m going to sleep because i can’t stand thinking about why i’m in a relationship right now when oh my god, just look at me. i am such a mess and so discontent with everything.
i’m not entirely independent yet, and i feel like that’s something i need to be before i should depend on someone else. and i’m always so sad and upset and never knowing what to do with myself. i don’t know where my life is headed, or rather, if it’s headed anywhere. and you can’t fucking love or like or even be remotely interested in being involved with someone like that. you just can’t.
ironically, i always feel better about myself when i’m not in a relationship, and no one’s telling me that they love me.
good night, i’m so tired.
